(just came to say hello)

its late

i feel like my head is too heavy for my body

or neck

(you know what i mean)

i want to sleep

but i want to blog more

watched micheal cera sing

"Romonaaaaa"

ah -- and his little guitar playing

#trueloverightthere

"Romonaaaa ... on my mind"

found these pictures...

missing andrea's hair

and just being amazed at the fact that its purple

and wanting a picture of it

wanting my hair to be blonde

and beachy

and long

im going for a "trim" on saturday

which really means:

--they're gona cut my hair short and i will hate it--

listening to "incinerate"

a song from guitar hero

wanting to play

for an audiance*

 

excited for the met and to dress up



wanting to see friends

and to be with them always

to talk to chey and find out whats going on

(reading your sms atm)

will not be going to uct

or studying humanities

i cant

cant go back to the uncertainty

of not knowing which subjects to pick

or what to major in

(even you listing all my options on the phone scared me)

or what i will do with my life afterwards

or even if i'll be able to have a life afterwards

hearing my dads words of

"there's nothing more demeaning than four years of studying and not being able to get a decent job

or having to become a teacher"

im tired of the awkward conversations with people about my future

or of people saying "well atleast its interesting"

 being judged

lost

and afraid

im tired of writing essays and reading

and trying to be someone i haven't become

i like being able to say

"im doing biotechnology for the next three years and then a fourth year of medical bioscience"

i like sounding smart

and not doing the "mathlit of university work"

people can be cruel

thinking that if i ever get a tattoo

id want it to look something like this

glad that everyone seems to be enjoying their orientation period

praying we all keep our enthusiasm

and thanking God for helping me appreciate what i have

and lastly....

hoping you guys dont forget about your friend Lisa who doesnt go to uct

#yesthisisarealfear

#imjealousyouguysgettobetogether

#imissyouall

love always and goodnight

xoxo