Tuesday, February 1, 2011

my superfans are getting out of hand

it was nice
not being the odd one out
i didn't sign up for this

i told myself i didn't like people
i didn't need friends
and that i was absolutely fine being on my own

and maybe i gave in to all this in the beginning because i hate how people judge the lonely girl
or bc i was tired of feeling that people think im stuck up

maybe i just enjoyed the conversation
having people listen to me as i spoke on and on about my life
maybe i got ahead of myself

there is a thing as too much attention
try being in a room where everyone knows who you are and you dont know anyone
or trying to decide where to sit in class so that you dont offend someone

maybe im not explaining the seriousness of this all
maybe you dont understand how something like this could get out of hand
Guys move seats from the Other side of the class room to sit next to me
Girls bring there friends to meet me
they tell people about me
"we only say nice things about you"
they talk and ask questions
and wait on me
and follow me
they know where i am
and see who im with
and ask questions

so many questions

and lets not get into those conversations with guys, who im just not interested in
sometimes i dont want to talk
i dont want to smile
or joke
or defend myself just bc you're going to disagree with me to make conversation

i dont want to have to pretend to like you
when i dont even know you
and i dont want to get to know you either

maybe im just rude
and ungrateful
or maybe im just tired of so many people being interested in me
maybe im in over my head
or am trying to be too nice to too many people

maybe i should quit while im ahead
but who am i kiddin'

i wouldn't know how


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