feeling obligated

somehow this phrase of

#putitoutintotheuniverse

just seems to be becoming truer than true

reading old blogposts

seeing how i've got some of the things i asked for

and how things make me smile

how happiness isn't an issue

and that i know if i get out of bed in the morning

no matter what happens,

it will be a good day

(and this is a proven theory)

have been listening great music

that has helped me feel independent

and beautiful

fans are becoming friends

and this is okay

they make me feel safe

and loved

and i feel lost without them

we all sit together

always

and i sometimes wonder who to sit next to

like i have to give each a turn

though

in a sense we have become "clicky"

 like we intimidate others

and some days i long to sit alone at the back of the class

or just next to someone new

i love my class

and how i can talk to whoever i want, about anything

how people like me

or

how people, who i dont know or dont remember meeting

ask me how i am and how my day has been

i still hate being nice to people

....

and not just people at uni

im talking about everyone who wants my attention

im tired of expectations

maybe im a bad friend

or a bad person

who knows....

im not use to having to spread myself this thin

and people are so needy

they have emotions and stuff

and all im doing is trying to deal with my own

wondering why i wanted to do psychology in the first place...

sending love to those i think about when i feel bad for not being better at all of this

(hugs)