Friday, February 11, 2011

feeling obligated

somehow this phrase of
just seems to be becoming truer than true

reading old blogposts
seeing how i've got some of the things i asked for
and how things make me smile

how happiness isn't an issue
and that i know if i get out of bed in the morning
no matter what happens,
it will be a good day
(and this is a proven theory)

have been listening great music
that has helped me feel independent
and beautiful

fans are becoming friends
and this is okay

they make me feel safe
and loved
and i feel lost without them

we all sit together
and i sometimes wonder who to sit next to
like i have to give each a turn

in a sense we have become "clicky"
 like we intimidate others
and some days i long to sit alone at the back of the class
or just next to someone new

i love my class
and how i can talk to whoever i want, about anything
how people like me
how people, who i dont know or dont remember meeting
ask me how i am and how my day has been

i still hate being nice to people
and not just people at uni
im talking about everyone who wants my attention
im tired of expectations

maybe im a bad friend
or a bad person

who knows....

im not use to having to spread myself this thin
and people are so needy
they have emotions and stuff
and all im doing is trying to deal with my own

wondering why i wanted to do psychology in the first place...

sending love to those i think about when i feel bad for not being better at all of this


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